And so continues my search for identity after graduating college. Movies like The Graduate and Garden State have it right; it's a weird place to be. On the one hand, things are pretty stable in my life. Money comes in, money goes out. I have a place to live, food on the table, a steady job. But I'm not There yet. There is that place you think you'll be after you finish whatever it is. If you're in high school, There is college. If you're in college, There is the "real world." It's a lesson I learned a long time ago, but lessons aren't much without object examples, and I'm sitting right in the middle of one.

Thing in life are all right, like I said. I keep blowing money to put things in my apartment. They're classy things, and I think I'm working towards some kind of image; money is no longer a factor in keeping me from making certain economic choices. On the one hand, that's nice. On the other hand, I'm not sure I understand what I'm trying to achieve. Uncertain futures have always bothered me. Some part of me knows, and maybe even my conscious mind knows. I keep thinking that I'm building towards some grandiose, final person...

And then I realize that I have no idea who I am, really. My search for identity really is ongoing. The queerest thing about it is that life is not just one journey. There is no straight shot from the cradle to the grave. It's all legs in the big trip, little hops and skips and jumps from one island of endgoals to another. The damnedest thing about that is that I rarely know what my next stopover really is. So often I only see in hindsight that things before weren't so turbulent as they are now; the contrast marks the only boundary I know.

I don't know who I'll be, as they say, when I grow up. Or out. Or wherever it is that I'm growing. But one resolution I have, as of this moment, is that wherever my navigation and the currents of life steer me, I want to enjoy things as I go along. The uncertainty is part of the fun. One of my greatest joys, of late, is to remind myself that I don't know what's going to happen next, even though that's been my stock in trade for time out of mind. Part of the reason my life is so stable--and so stale--is that I am certain that I know what lies over the horizon. Even when I don't! Surrendering myself to the winds of fate a little more is a big-time goal.

One last piece to the puzzle that is my life: I don't know who I'm becoming, but neither do I know who I am right now. I see myself as through a glass darkly; as Epictetus tells us, "Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things." I am disturbed by my perception of myself, which takes no cue from the reality. But in my apprehension and trepidation and downright fear about self-discovery, I wonder if--have always wondered if--my ignorance of my true nature is part of what makes me me. As if, by truly observing myself, I might collapse the waveform of my self into the particle of my observed nature, losing whatever ineffable qualities I now possess. Then again, just because a quality hasn't been named doesn't mean that it can't be. My fears are, I fear, just that...

And so, I embark on the next leg of my journey, no matter how near or far it will take me, and I go forth with an (as ever) renewed sense of purpose. I hope all of you do the same. Remember that the journey is simultaneously long and short, forever and an instant. And do have fun--and don't forget to remind those you care about that they should do the same.